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Bloodrayne (2006) Romar Entertainment 1 hr. 34 mins. Starring: Kristanna Loken, Michelle Rodriguez, Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Billy Zane, Matt Davis, Will Sanderson, Meat Loaf, Michael Pare, Geraldine Chaplin Directed by: Uwe Boll This film is rated: R Bloodrayne Rating:  
E-MAIL FRANK OCHIENG One must hand it to floundering German filmmaker Uwe Boll in terms of being consistent when beginning the new movie season off with one of his trademark vacuous video game features. If last year’s Alone in the Dark and crappy companion piece The House of the Dead wasn’t enough of a hint for Boll to take a long-winded vacation from moviemaking then what will finally register with this condemning artist? Relax because the mindless masochistic followers of Boll’s boisterous banality will get to revel in yet another monumental dosage of nonsensical horror show hedonism. Ladies and gentlemen, we reluctantly give you the atrociously patched-together vampire vehicle BloodRayne. As shocking as this may sound, the belabored BloodRayne may very well be the best offering in Boll’s tri-video game-film adaptation series. Of course this is like admitting that rape is more of a tolerable crime against society than murdering people at random. With Boll’s sluggish cinematic output, one must precariously pick their poison wisely. Still, the painful product remains in tact—stilted acting, imbecilic dialogue, anemic casting, cheesy special effects overindulgence, cheap-minded action-oriented lapses, outlandish missteps in conveying cohesive logic, etc. Overall, the nightmarish aspect isn’t necessarily what’s contained in Boll’s undercooked formulaic fright fables but the curious reasoning behind why anyone would let him get three feet within the range of an operating movie camera? As a preposterously bad B-movie concept concocted by the video game imagination of screenwriter/actress Guinevere Turner (Go Fish), BloodRayne awkwardly echoes too many familiar film genres. This blood-sucking turkey had the nerve to recall the classic essence of the Dracula movie series coupled with the pseudo pageantry of The Lord of the Rings franchise. Given the dismissive C-list talent involved in this period piece piffle (well, at least Christian Slater and Tara Reid is thankfully no where to be found), it was rather bewildering to see the usually reliable Oscar-winning Ben Kingsley toiling in such dismal dreck. It’s one thing to take a break from being in poignant motion pictures reinforcing your balance as a solid performer. But Kingsley, was it really necessary to sour your theatrical resume’ with the moldy mildew from Boll’s stained visionary scope? Geez Louise! The setting is 18th century Eastern Europe where fang-toothed femme fatale Rayne (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machine’s Kristanna Loken) lurks the area with dripping cynicism. As a redhead half-vampire and half-human specimen, Rayne comes from the complex loins of her long-lost father Lord Kagan (Ben Kingsley), ruler of the mostly vampire-populated empire. But Kagan needs to sustain his magnificent power over his vast territory. In order to ensure his dominance, Lord Kagan needs to locate his daughter Rayne before she decides to take her tenacious talents elsewhere. Kagan’s concerns are pointed toward the storied Brimstone Society vampire seekers. Among this elite group of perceived rabble-rousers that could influence a scorned Rayne are Vladimir (Michael Madsen), moody Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez) and Sebastian (Matt Davis). For Kagan little does he realize that he has more to worry about than Rayne joining forces with the Brimstone bunch. In fact, Rayne has revenge on her mind when she targets her crooked powerful old man for causing her human mother’s death. Will the resilient Rayne prevail and take down Daddy Dearest Kagan and his army of rebellious blood-thirsty warriors? There’s no doubt that Boll has morphed into the millennium version of misfit movie maven Ed Wood. With no particular regard for jamming his putrid productions down the audience’s throats, Boll takes a perverse pride in conducting these ultra-kinetic creep shows without any reference to competent structure or style. Granted that turning video game ventures into big screen entertainment has been an iffy endeavor at best for certain filmmakers. However, Boll seems to revel in the flimsy factor of his sketchy and spineless spectacles. BloodRayne is probably a few degrees of improvement over the ineptitude of Alone in the Dark’s existence. Other than the surprisingly crisp photography, there’s not much else in which to toot BloodRayne’s noisy horn. Saddled with woeful amateurish performances, sophomoric storytelling devices and generic action sequences, BloodRayne is the tip of the iceberg as far as the future fetidness of Boll’s continued foray into pointless cinema. As long as there are video game adaptations to be feebly manufactured, look for Boll to exhaust this genre to the point of no return. Hey, at least this celluloid schlockmeister makes some slight relevant usage of fringe hangers-on such as Meat Loaf and Michael Madsen. Hmmm, maybe Boll’s unique manner in stale filmmaking can do wonders for a few lost causes? Someone should give Carrot Top or Yahoo Serious a call, huh? Click here to comment on this review or post your own thoughts. Frank Ochieng © TheWorldJournal.com |
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