Top Box Office Movies - White Chicks

White Chicks (2004) Columbia Pictures
1 hr. 50 mins.
Starring: Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Anne Dudek, Maitland Ward, Frankie Faison
Directed by: Keenen Ivory Wayans

White Chicks

Rating:

E-MAIL FRANK OCHIENG

Photo: Colombia Pictures

It’s not even deep into the summer of 2004 yet and already the flaccid fare is oozing out in numbers. The latest abomination to hit the big screen is the concocted Wayans’ comedy White Chicks, an intentionally raw and smirking formulaic farce that wants to rub you the wrong way hysterically but ends up missing its opportunity to do so. The wincing moments in White Chicks seem so painfully strained and obvious that it’s clear the funny factor going on here is relentlessly labored.

The Wayans Brothers, capable cut-ups that were the masterminds behind such riotous projects that range from their cult hit Fox-TV series In Living Color from the early nineties to the assortment of knee-slapping urban spoofs they methodically delivered on the big screen, decide to stretch it thin. The ill-advised intention of turning a one-note skit into a feature length film backfired. As a result of The Wayans’ chintzy creativity, White Chicks is a cobbled together desperate laugher searching for subversive chuckles along the way. The fact that this vacuous vehicle mines the stale gimmick of having its lunkheaded leads assume a disguise by changing their racial identity and gender is the least of this misguided movie’s problems. As rudimentary as this concept is, you would think that scathing siblings Shawn and Marlon (along with the directorial guidance of older brother Keenen) would lend some powerhouse pithiness to this scattershot session. But curiously, there’s never anything challenging or cleverly cynical about White Chicks beyond its penchant for aimlessly relying on tacky toilet humor.

Some may find White Chicks downright offensive in its wayward motivation for embracing its racial ridicule and using it as the main springboard for its skewering hilarity. Honestly, folks should be more outraged by the middling material since it’s the main perverse pulpit where the Wayans demonstrate the empty-minded foolishness that persists in this rotted ruse. The main prurient ingredient that exists in this corroding comedy seems to be its eroding silliness. When the savvy black sheriff in Blazing Saddles kids around and inquires, “where’s the white women at?” rest assure that he wasn’t asking for the Wilson Sisters, the blonde bimbos whose persona the Wayans masquerades around as the film feebly carries out its watered-down schtick.

Marlon and Shawn Wayans not only star in the movie but they co-wrote it as well (geez, talking about a negative double whammy!). The brothers portray Marcus (Marlon Wayans) and Kevin (Shawn Wayans) Copeland, a couple of down-in-your-luck FBI agents recently involved in a botched bust that was crucial for the agency to crack. But the Copelands are willing to do what it takes to redeem themselves in the eyes of their flustered superior (Frankie Faison). The question remains this: just what can Marcus and Kevin do to repair their reputations as fraternal FBI screw-ups?

The assignment is finally revealed when Marcus and Kevin agree to look after the privileged and pampered Wilson Sisters (Anne Dudek and Maitland Ward), hotel heiresses and expected targets of a kidnapping scheme in progress. It’s plain to see that the blonde and clueless Wilsons are a blatant takeoff of the celebrity-seeking Hilton Sisters. Anyway, the plan is to see if the kidnappers would take the bait and make a move on the Wilson Sisters so the FBI, with Marcus and Kevin in tow of course, can nab them and conclude this particular case. However, there’s a snag in the agenda as the Wilsons refuse to cooperate as the two meek mice out to draw the attention of the fat cat kidnappers. Hence, the black male Copelands seize the opportunity to dress up as the white female Wilsons and wander about town hoping to solicit the criminal moves of the would-be captors.

Naturally, the congested heart of this nonsensical narrative entails showing the ridiculous antics of having two bickering ebony protectors parading in the high heeled bodily form of their spoiled ivory damsels-in-distress. So tell me, what’s the knee-slapping theme here that suggests the refreshing comical cloud that hovers over the interminable White Chicks? Is it the given sight gag of having the Wayans’ counterparts Marcus and Kevin Copeland bleach their skins and don stringy blonde hair while looking like albino drag queens? How about the manner in which these washed up-looking white chicks manages to get whistled at and hit on by unsuspecting male admirers? Or the way that the Copelands (while in their Wilson Sisters get-up) cuss out the horndogs that take a fancy to them thus wanting to tangle with these hormonal idiots? Seemingly, all this is about as funny as southern-made moonshine being distributed at an AA meeting.

White Chicks is indeed a throwaway idea if ever anyone saw one so apparent in its lame execution. It’s hard to fathom the thought that the usually crafty Wayans clan would give life to such a hostile drip of a picture that’s lazy and light-headed in its stupidity. What did they do to be inspired by this wreck—sniff crushed crayons as they were developing this ill-conceived prank? Both Marlon and Shawn are sharper than this mangled mess that they’re responsible for hatching out of the blue. And Keenen directs this half-hearted laughfest with all the urgency of making a ham sandwich in the dark.

Everything about White Chicks seems so arbitrarily forced that it’s unbelievable. The racist jokes have no particular sting thus undermining whatever satirical value they had in its inherent outlandish content. The cheap bathroom humor only exists to give this staid offering a boost that it cannot achieve alone based on the utterly numbing, sophomoric premise. There’s something that’s truly overreaching when this unpolished romp has to resort to wily references that rakes rap artist Hammer over the coals. Now how hollow is that for trying to manufacture a hearty ha ha? And since when does a movie have to overdo its share of pratfalls and fart bits just to get into its so-called grotesque groove?

Suffice to say White Chicks was derived from the unimaginative minds of Black Boneheads (a more apt title for this movie). This woeful slapstick entry has no rhyme or reason to breathe beyond that fact that some indifferent movie studios get an economic kick out of the Wayans’ ability to secure the big bucks from the giddy inner city crowd looking to storm the box office in droves. Hey, guess that’s the name of that game, right? First, it’s the incomprehensible flight arrival of Soul Plane now the excruciating White Chicks pick up the slouching slack. One must wonder what the encore will be when it comes to yet another ethnic funnyfest? Gee, we can hardly wait, huh?

Why couldn’t the Wayans just leave well enough alone and simply concentrated their efforts on producing another redundant sequel such as Scary Movie 13: Bug Eyed Fools for instance? I know…be careful for what you wish for as we wouldn’t want to give this crew any more ideas, now would we?

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Frank Ochieng
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