 |
|
|
|
|
MOVIES FRONT | MOVIE REVIEWS | INTERVIEWS | COMING SOON | BOX OFFICE PREDICTIONS & REPORT | NEWS | LINKS |
Frankie Feedback (Part 9) Presents: “Are You Cruisin’ for a Cinematic Bruisin’?” 
E-MAIL FRANK OCHIENG PREVIOUS PARTS: “Nothing Like the Flow of a Good Old Moviegoer’s Angst” “The Moviegoer Strikes Back!” “Penny for your Pithy Thoughts” "Meet Frank Ochieng, Cinema Cynic" “A Poisoned Pen, An Opinionated Mind” “They’re Out for Blood, Och!” "Frank(ly) Speaking..." "Requiem of a Moviekiller" Greetings to TheWorldJournal.com Nation out there! It’s hard to believe but here we are with the ninth installment of the FRANKIE FEEDBACK column series. In “Are You Cruisin’ for a Cinematic Bruisin’?” the movie masses get to take a healthy shot of yours truly once again. By now, old film hound Frankie Boy has learned to develop a thick skin thanks to the continual barbs pointed his way. As they say folks, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me! And to quote the many several people that may have made this plea a convenient and quotable sentiment: Can we all just learn to get along? Hmmm…maybe in a perfect world critics and casual moviegoers could bury the hatchet and agree nine times out of ten in terms of what grabs their celluloid fancy. But seeing as though this is not the case, ladies and gentlemen…let’s get ready to RUMBLE!!! And now for Frankie Feedback (Part 9) “Are You Cruisin’ for a Cinematic Bruisin’?”: Comments made to Frank about his review on RESIDENT EVIL: APOCALYPSE: Joey Scurro writes: “Okay Ochieng, you really got my blood boiling this time. Why don’t you admit to the fact that you give movie critics a bad name? Your inane attempt to keep bad-mouthing great cinema like APOCALYPSE tells me that you are a fraud. It’s bad enough that you dismissed the first RESIDENT EVIL movie that went on to become a wonderful success. But now, you have gone too far in your misguided sentiments! Ochieng, Hollywood should drown you out because your words are indeed too distracting for all us to bear! We should stand strong and boycott your sorry ass!” Frank’s response: “Joey my boy…please learn to relax and take a chill pill! Goodness gracious, even Mount St. Helen hasn’t erupted so convincingly. Sorry if you feel abused that I didn’t endorse Milla Jovovich as a one-dimensional busty babe blasting zombies with all the urgency of a stubborn tacky toothache. Please accept my apologies for thinking that APOCALYPSE shouldn’t grace the doorstep of the American Film Institute anytime soon. Geez, I wouldn’t mind having you keep your disdain down to a minimum. And Joey, try to have a nice day, will ya?” Comments made to Frank about his review on WITHOUT A PADDLE: Evelyn K. writes: “Frank, you wouldn’t know comedy if it bit you on the ankle! Your negative review of WITHOUT A PADDLE was seriously flawed. You are a blowhard dink who just fancies serious movies that starve for Oscar attention. You are not only without a paddle but you’re also without a clue! Folks, go see this funny flick because it’s hysterical despite what misinformed Frank thinks!” Frank’s response: “I resent that statement that I wouldn’t know comedy if it bit me on my angle. Listen, I am used to looking at my meager bi-weekly paycheck…now if that isn’t recognizing something that’s extremely amusing then I don’t know what is! In fact, my direct deposited chump change is solidly more comical than the doltish antics that were demonstrated in the witless WITHOUT A PADDLE.” Comments made to Frank about his review on SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2: Sally Souza writes: “How dare you bash the cute and funny exploits of the photogenic toddlers that make up fun-loving comedy SUPERBABIES? When as the last time you approved of something Frank—other than your birth and self-righteous film reviews?” Frank’s response: “Sally my dear…are you really miffed at me for not liking that disjointed and dippy diaper rash ruse known as SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2? Of all the things that folks have raked me over the coals for in my lifetime, never have I been chastised for not liking a corrosive kiddie caper that had all the appeal of stale baby formula in a bottle! Rip me for kicking your purring cat or arrest me for spiking your orange juice with sand. But please don’t insult me by griping at the notion of me panning an insipid and annoying vehicle being headlined by CGI crumb-crushing kids that gravitate around TV’s former heartthrob Chachi!” Comments made to Frank about his review on THE NOTEBOOK: Mr. and Mrs. Noble writes: “Young man, we came across one of your harsh reviews on the sentimentally respectable movie THE NOTEBOOK. You chimed in about how bland and sappy it was yet you didn’t take into consideration as to how poignant and soothing this beautiful film was in content. We have been married for over 50 years and THE NOTEBOOK captured the nostalgic feeling that we lived during that period in the war-torn 1940’s. Maybe you are the victim of your own youthful bias—we really don’t know. But you better straighten up your act and give acknowledgement to films like THE NOTEBOOK that provide passion and the essence for sound storytelling.” Frank’s response: “I am happy to hear that THE NOTEBOOK touched your soul and played on your heartstrings. For me, it was like pouring too much syrup on my pancakes. At first, you don’t mind the overwhelming sweetness but the taste soon surrenders itself and starts to get sticky and awkwardly over-indulgent in its labored helpings. This was clearly one NOTEBOOK I didn’t want to doodle on any longer.” Comments made to Frank about his review on TROY: Ryan Daily writes: “f*** u this film was the best” Frank’s response: “Listen up you movie-challenged miscreant--if you cannot properly defend your position as to why you disagree with my assessment of TROY then fine--so be it. However, to willingly share your ignorance with the world by attacking me with an arbitrary juvenile cuss word? You're obviously one of these powerless punks that hide behind meaningless put-downs without having the skillful capability of backing up your movie-minded convictions. Do us all a favor and go tap dancing in a mine field, will ya? And take along the reel of TROY with you while you're at it!” Comments made to Frank about his review on SLEEPOVER: Kelly Rosen writes: “Hey Frank, you must really dislike young girls because you never endorse any movies that cater to their genre or interests. There’s a bias there that is so blatant and ridiculous. What’s a matter…are you talented enough to understand what makes young girls tick in today’s teen scene? SLEEPOVER was such a movie that seemed quite liberating and fun for high school girls to relate to. You should call it quits, you old fool” Frank’s response: “Sorry to burst your bubble, Kelly. Your assessment of my indifference to ALL young girl-oriented flicks is somewhat inaccurate. Yes, I don’t like ineffective chick flicks that don’t fit my personal bill per se. But then again, how can you account for the stuff that I did like and gave good reviews to in the past: WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE, HEATHERS, MEAN GIRLS, 13 GOING ON 30, etc.? Heck, I was even ridiculed for mildly liking the sugary and trite WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON! So you see Ms. Kelly, don’t assume that you know what I prefer and what I don’t based on what you feel is appropriate to randomly accuse me. Your presumption will definitely lead to more yolk on your face than you already care to have. As for SLEEPOVER, it was definitely more slumber than it was a party!” Comments made to Frank about…well being Frank! Dudley Jones III writes: “Mr. Ochieng, I find you quite boorish and droll and wish that you will give up the critiquing business. You lead many movie consumers astray and your long-winded write-ups have all the anticipated impact of being dragged to the dentist’s chair. You are a pompous hack who should be bagging groceries at the local supermarket instead of intelligently informing the movie masses about the latest filming fare that’s available for our entertaining purposes.” Frank’s response: “Wow Dudley…that’s certainly not the way the president of the Frank Ochieng Film Reviewing Society should be talking! I kid you Duds even if you think that I am a revolting concept next to the invention of the GMC Pacer! But as my beloved late mother always used to say—you can’t please everyone on a given daily basis. Oh well, what can I say? How about, “do you want fries to go with your cantankerous disposition?” Click here to comment on this article. Frank Ochieng © TheWorldJournal.com |
|
|
MOVIES FRONT | MOVIE REVIEWS | INTERVIEWS | COMING SOON | BOX OFFICE PREDICTIONS & REPORT | NEWS | LINKS |
|
|
|
|
Sponsored Links |
| Web Hosting Forum - Web hosting, marketing and webmaster related issues. Find the best hosting for your website! |
| Top
Box Office Movies © TheWorldJournal.com, All rights reserved. Student News Network For the best advertising rates at TheWorldJournal.com (120x600 - new banner format by the Interactive Advertising Bureau), click here. Back to top |
e-mail: info@theworldjournal.com sales: sales@theworldjournal.com |
||