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Frankie Feedback (Part 4) Presents: “Meet Frank Ochieng, Cinema Cynic” 
E-MAIL FRANK OCHIENG PREVIOUS PARTS: “Nothing Like the Flow of a Good Old Moviegoer’s Angst” “The Moviegoer Strikes Back!” “Penny for your Pithy Thoughts” So are you movie fanatics ready for another helping of film-related feedback aimed at your beloved TheWorldJournal.com movie reviewer? Well, in this fourth edition of the Frankie Feedback series is the column subtitled “Meet Frank Ochieng, Cinema Cynic”. Now the routine should be familiar to most of you by now where I showcase the previous valentine-theme/venomous replies from readers willing to generously supply input. As I have always mentioned in the past I don’t mind someone’s positive remarks (obviously) or the negative stimulation so long as its truthful and passionate from the individual that wishes to express it in a constructive manner. My mailbox is always open to comments, suggestions, criticisms or potential put-downs…whatever suits your box office fancy I suppose. However, if one is willing to dump on me in a fairly critical way then be prepared to have me return the “favor” as I am not here to be anybody’s whipping post. If dissatisfied movie fans are able to dish out the tasteless medicine then they certainly should be able to take it as well. What the heck…that’s good philosophy to go by, right? Well, I guess it’s time to face the music and see what my casual supporters/distracters have in store for me in this fourth segment of Frankie Feedback: Meet Frank Ochieng, Cinema Cynic. Be gentle, folks…after all, film critics everywhere are becoming an endangered species so let’s be patient, shall we? And now, the consensus about Frankie is the following: Comments to Frank about his review on WHALE RIDER: Bill Hodges from Santa Clara writes: “Mr. Frank Ochieng: Great review. Yes, Whale Rider is a gem. Etch these names on Oscar’s nomination cards: Keisha Castle Hughes (Best Actress) & Niki Caro (Best Screenplay—Adaptation). Just hope Keisha keeps acting. At 13-14 boys will soon become a distraction versus competition for Pai. Bill Hodges, Movie Fan” Frank’s response: “Listen, thanks for taking the time to write and express your opinion on the superb film WHALE RIDER. Yes, I do hope that the Academy is responsible and remembers WHALE RIDER come Oscar time, particularly for the BEST ACTRESS and BEST SCREENPLAY-ADAPTATION department. I wouldn’t mind seeing something for BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR and BEST DIRECTOR as well. Heck, even BEST PICTURE for that matter! I guess this will be wishful thinking on our part, huh Bill? Here’s hoping that you stay a devoted movie fan. After all, WHALE RIDER is the kind of experience that reinforces one’s appreciation for decent cinema.” Comments to Frank about his review on TIME OF FAVOR: Jacob Tober writes: “Frank, must not have even seen the film. First of all, the rabbi doesn’t command the mission to blow up the temple mount, second the military company is not a militia, and third michal’s feelings have nothing to do with her love of either men, pini or menachem. If he honestly believes all that, he has no sense of film comprehension or was asleep after watching the trailer. I am sure anyone who has both seen the film and read frank’s review will know that he is hardly believable. Don’t believe me? Watch it and compare. It was a good film.” Frank’s response: “Oh yeah Jacob, I am out to deceive moviegoers and deprive them of what really went on in my assessment of this film. I purposely wrote an entire film review that was meant to change the scope of what the film was really about. And I brought my favorite pillow along for the ride so that I could intentionally engage in a snoozefest only to dupe readers later on in my write-up. You really got me figured out, huh Jacob? Hey everybody, Jacob is here to rescue you from my blatant oversight of this film’s narration. Never mind Caesar, let’s hail Jacob!” Comments to Frank about his review on IMPOSTER: Jim Grove writes: “To say “Imposter” aims to be simply a protracted chase scene to find a fugitive from justice is inaccurate. The real appeal of “Imposter” is in the journey to answer the question, is Spencer Olham the dedicated scientist or the well-disguised, walking, talking mini-nuke. The best twist is that the protagonist (Olham) would be absolutely convinced that the real Olham—irregardless of whether he is the scientist or the bomb. There are many questions as to whether he is the bomb or Olham throughout the picture, and the gradual exposure evidence throughout the movie reminds me of Total Recall (real or in the mind). There is a hilarious segment where Olham sends his pursuers on a wild goose chase to buy him time to prove his identity. Frankly, I liked the movie better than most. Although I’d not recommend rushing out and getting it on DVD, I will recommend that you make a point to watch it (FROM THE START) on some cable movie channel.” Frank’s response: “Let’s put it this way, Jim…I would be an imposter if I told you that I adored this sci-fi clunker. The question about whether IMPOSTER’s leading protagonist is a walking bomb or not is secondary to the revelation that this fruitless futuristic flick is the actual cinematic bomb.” Comments to Frank about his review on 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS: Mitch Lex writes: “Whoever doesn’t like this movie has a serious problem” Frank’s response: “Oh, so this is your cute defensive quip for my dissatisfaction of this juiced-up motor oil melodrama? You’re rather witty, aren’t you Mr. Lex. Gee, you should take your comedy act on the road and open up for Don Rickles in Vegas!” Comments to Frank about his review on BIKER BOYZ: Chakula Palmer writes: “I am biased because Derek Luke is my cousin but I still love all of the actors in this movie! I just love Derek the most!” Frank’s response: “I am sure that you and your family members are really proud of your relative Derek Luke. His turn in Antoine Fisher was convincingly moving. However, your “cuz” Derek and the rest of his fellow performers were saddled with a tepid script that didn’t bring any particular freshness or curiosity to the subculture of minority bikers. The brake pads weren’t secure enough for me to digest this motorized two-wheel tale.” Comments to Frank about his review on THE TRANSPORTER: Albert H. Bruegger writes: “This was a great action movie and is intended to entertain the audience, not to please some movie critic who wants to take it apart and analize (sic) it for what it’s not. People go to the movies to be entertained and have fun, not to sit there and think about how the plot is or isn’t. So to all the movie critics out there who made bad comments…it’s only you opinion not everyone elses, and just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s no good, and besides, Jason Statham is HOT and has the body to prove it where as Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt have no body at all..they need to consider going to the gym and hiring a trainer….” Frank’s response: “Ah Albert, I think that you have been too giddy and honest about your body frame preferences concerning Statham for my taste anyway—time to release that April 2003 issue of “Manly Buns” magazine. As for your assessment on what a movie critic’s relevance is when it comes to evaluating action movies or any other film for the matter Albert, well…let’s just stick with your desire to pump iron with the likes of “out-of-shape” boytoys Cruise and Pitt, okay?” Comments to Frank about his review on THE KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE: Colleen Walsh writes: “I loved this movie; and you end by loving Robert Evans. He lost all he held dear, including his home; but to see him overcome all and return bigger and better than ever wonderful. He is a real life elegant handsome “godfather…the movie excellent” Frank’s response: “I concur with your sentiments about the colorful topsy-turvy world of movie producer Robert Evans—THE KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE was thoroughly entertaining.” Comments to Frank about his review on CHICAGO: Michelle Bowling writes: “Chicago is the best movie I have ever scene! I have only scene it twice, but I own like three chicago cd’s and know all the words, you see Renee Zellweger is my idle, I even dress as her on hero day at my school! This movie was brilliant! It was amazing! Rob Marshal made it come to life with all the dances and dreams of Roxie. I would say that a person could not live without seeing this movie! I am just in love with it! I never imagined a movie could be this good! The movie on every body’s lips should be Chicago! Frank’s response: “I am going to take a shot at this wild hunch Michelle but here goes…is it safe to say that you’re an ardent CHICAGO fan? Just kidding with you, kiddo! It’s nice to see that you’re so thrilled by everybody and everything connected with this Oscar-winning movie musical.” Comments to Frank about his review on THE LIZZIE McGUIRE MOVIE: Bree writes: “I think this review is one of the worst I have ever laid eyes on, just because one viewer does not apreciate (sic) this film it does not mean they should discredit it because of their own opinion should be given yes, but it should also give the movie credit, otherwise a false impression of the movie or film can be can be distributed. I think this reviewer has a very closed mind and should take time to apreciate (sic) films for what they are, even if this film is not to his likeing (sic) it was most likely not writen (sic) to suit his tastes” Frank’s response: “So you think MY review is one of the worst you have ever laid eyes on, Bree? Well let me state this fact…your response to my review is one of the most atrocious replies I ever had to read! Dear, I don’t know from what school system you hail from but before you start tearing down my efforts to analyze a mediocre film you need to seriously address your lack of cohesiveness when writing a rebuttal. Careless misspellings, rambling and nonsensical forethought, illogical defensive comebacks, hasty reasoning…Bree, your articulation leaves much to be desired. Stick to straightening out your house of horrors before you come and try to wreck my property, okay? That’s just some good old-fashion advice—free of charge by the way!” Comments to Frank about his review on SWIMMING POOL: D.M. Hurley writes: “Was Julie just a figment of Sarah’s imagination? Was it just coincidence that John’s English daughter was named Julia and his French daughter was named Julie? What was with seeing both girls by the pool in the ending shot? Was there significance to the red dress worn by Sarah in the ending shot?” Frank’s response: “How come the moon is not made out of cheese? Why do nudists insist on playing volleyball in their birthday suits? Why did Hitler’s parents decide to create a bad seed? Why does a human being’s skin not come in the form of the color purple? D.M., what’s with all the questioning? SWIMMING POOL is definitely a film that begs a lot of interpretation, I’ll grant you that. But geez, I am not Carnac the Magnificent. Please ease up the inquiry, will you? Here’s my nagging question to you: did you agree with my assessment of SWIMMING POOL or not?” Comments to Frank about his review on TERMINATOR 3: Adam D’Alessandro writes: “I haven’t seen it yet but I give it a 5 because I am dumb” Frank’s response: “Remember Adam, you said that you were dumb…not I!!!” Comments to Frank about his review on THE HOT CHICK: Adam D’Alessandro writes: “man this movie was good for only one reason and that is because of Rachel McAdams she is really really hot!!!!” Frank’s response: “Adam, when you previously called yourself “dumb” in reference to your observations about TERMINATOR 3, it’s safe to assume that you’re telling the gospel truth about what you’re all about. This is certainly what I need right now—a fratboy with a horndog motivation! Are the Greek gods really out to punish me or what?” Comments to Frank about his review on FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY: Ellen Marie writes: “This movie is an excellent argument in favor of euthanasia, if not genocide. Kelly and Justin are obviously agents of al Qaida sent to our beloved country in order to inflict an inhumane level of suffering upon the American people.” Frank’s response: “Now Ellen Marie, I thought I was the only one to bestow a comical put-down on this banal beach blanket nightmare courtesy of the opportunistic handlers behind Fox-TV’s “American Idol”. And for the record, I do wholeheartedly agree about your assessment regarding FJ2K—the only thing worse than this musical misstep was sitting through the midnight showing of Howard the Duck!” Comments to Frank about his review on MURDER BY NUMBERS: Kayla Schram writes: “OK, you did get a touch on the insensitivity of the events and the relation to the movie but not once did you mention how accurate thing were. All of the forensics were accurate and remained true to real forensics. You OWE the movie that much!” Frank’s response: “Kayla, the only thing I OWE is my beloved mother and of course the tax man when he comes knocking at my door every April. Other than that, I don’t owe this movie diddiy squat. Plus, are you actually getting on me because I didn’t harp on the accuracy of the forensics being demonstrated in this mundane movie? I’m a movie reviewer, not Jack Klugman’s Quincy! Besides, even if the forensics were as impressive as you indicate that still doesn’t take away from the fact that Sandra Bullock’s thriller MURDER BY NUMBERS simply went by the numbers as yet another drawn-out yarn that wouldn’t befuddle Mayberry’s Deputy Barney Fife!” Comments to Frank about his review on THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS: Kayla Schram writes: “WOW! You and I agree on many things about this movie and holy goodness! You forgot to mention my hottie Orlando Bloom as Legolas Oh well! GREAT REVIEW (none the less)!” Frank’s response: “Gee Kayla, we didn’t seem to be on the same page concerning the movie MURDER BY NUMBERS yet we’re bonding partners when it comes to RINGS? Hey, I guess that’s the way things work out, huh? In any event, I’m glad we see eye to eye as far as this particular film is concerned. I certainly appreciate your enthusiastic comments as I am sure your “hottie” Orlando Bloom does as well.” Comments to Frank about his review on GIGLI: Kalah writes: “Finally…a good review from you~! Frank’s response: “Gee, you’re a budding comedienne Kalah, huh? Someone ought to book you on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show because you’re so fabulously witty. I’m curious as to why all of the sudden you think that my GIGLI critique is a “good review”? Is it simply because of the fact that I happen to agree with your assessment? Had I penned a positive review of this Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez stinkeroo and opposed your view then I suppose my opinion wouldn’t be popular in the Kalah household, huh? Therefore, my review would have been considered bad but virtue of the fact that you disagreed with me. Well I have news for you, Missy. Contrary to belief, one can write a decent film review even if it doesn’t sit well with your viewpoint. Click here to comment on this article. Frank Ochieng © TheWorldJournal.com |
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